I help people transform their lives, marriages, parenting and businesses moving from their Survival Self to their True Self so they can lead their life and business with clarity, courage, and trust.
(That’s my current elevator pitch - what do you think? I’m working on it…)
And as I work on it, here’s a little map I’ve created about the stages of moving from our Survival Self to our True Self. Of course, it’s nice and neat in this 7 stage map, but in reality it’s a whole lot of 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Sometimes in the shape of a tangled slinky someone dropped down the stairs.
The 7 Stages of the Survival Self → True Self Journey
Stage 1 - Survival Mode
Life feels overwhelming and reactive
Internal experience
Constant pressure
Anxiety about the future
Feeling behind
Trying to control everything
Overthinking
Exhaustion
Identity
“I have to figure everything out.”
Survival patterns
overworking
procrastination
people pleasing
perfectionism
control
Business expression
scattered focus
unclear strategy
inconsistent income
working too many hours
Core illusion
If I just try harder and control things better, life will work.
Stage 2 - Pattern Awareness
The person realizes something deeper is happening
This is where coaching usually begins.
They start noticing:
patterns
emotional triggers
inner conflict
They begin asking:
Why do I keep doing this?
Why do I sabotage things?
Why do I feel so overwhelmed?
Identity shift
“Maybe the problem isn’t just external.”
Key realization
The problem isn’t the situation.
The problem is how my nervous system and identity are relating to the situation.
Stage 3 - Parts Recognition
They discover their inner system
Clients begin to see that they are not one unified self.
They are a system of parts:
the achiever
the critic
the avoider
the pleaser
the scared child
Instead of saying:
“I am procrastinating”
They start saying:
“A part of me is avoiding this.”
This stage creates massive relief.
They stop attacking themselves.
Identity shift
“There are parts of me trying to protect me.”
Stage 4 - Presence & Capacity
They stop trying to fix emotions and learn to feel them
This stage is huge.
Before this point, their strategy was:
avoid feelings
fix feelings
control feelings
Now they learn:
feelings can be experienced safely.
They develop:
emotional capacity
nervous system regulation
presence
Identity shift
“I can handle whatever arises.”
Stage 5 - Self Leadership
The True Self begins leading the internal system
The person now experiences moments where they are:
calm
clear
compassionate
courageous
curious
Instead of being run by patterns, they begin consciously leading their parts and patterns.
They can say:
“Thank you for trying to protect me, but we’re going to try something different.”
Identity shift
“I am not this emotion or pattern. I can lead my system.”
Stage 6 - Alignment & Expression
Life begins reorganizing around the True Self
This is where external life changes start happening naturally.
They begin:
setting boundaries
making clear decisions
choosing aligned work
expressing what they really want
trusting their intuition
Business improves.
Relationships deepen.
Energy increases.
Because they are no longer leaking energy into survival patterns.
Identity shift
“I trust myself to lead my life.”
Stage 7 - True Self Living
Life becomes participation rather than control
This stage is not perfection.
It is a fundamentally different relationship with life.
Characteristics:
openness to experience
capacity for uncertainty
deep self trust
emotional resilience
creativity
presence
They still feel fear, doubt, sadness.
But those emotions no longer run their life.
They experience life as:
meaningful
alive
participatory
Identity
“I can meet reality as it is.”
Coaching the Transitions
My coaching is essentially helping people move through three big transitions.
Transition 1
Survival Mode → Awareness
They realize the problem is internal patterns.
Transition 2
Parts Awareness → Self Leadership
They learn how to work with their internal system.
Transition 3
Self Leadership → True Self Living
Life becomes aligned and creative.
My coaching teaches people: how to lead their life from their True Self instead of their Survival Self.
That shift changes:
business
relationships
creativity
emotional wellbeing
And it’s hella fun :)