“I would give two fingers to just become… obsessed with something.”
He’s brilliant. Companies hire him to help lead their teams. He has ideas he genuinely believes in. He knows the direction he wants to move his work.
But he isn’t moving.
He spends his days thinking instead of deciding. Researching instead of building. Feeling inspired one week and uncertain the next. Every burst of motivation seems to dissolve back into hesitation.
“What would being obsessed do for you?” I ask.
“Then I’d wake up motivated every day. I’d take bigger action. I’d be consistent. Imagine where I’d be if I’d been obsessed for the last year...”
I know that feeling. For me, it usually sounds a little different.
If I could just find my purpose...
If I just knew the right decision...
If I just felt motivated...
I often think what I lack is clarity, the right decision. But what I’m really searching for is relief from having to lead myself.
I want something outside of me to do the driving.
Obsession. Or motivation. Or certainty. Or discipline.
Whatever we call it, the fantasy is the same: “If I could just find the right thing, I won’t have to wrestle with myself anymore. Then I won’t have to decide every day. I won’t have to tolerate ambiguity. I won’t have to face resistance…”
The obsession would do the driving.
Most of us know what that feels like because we’ve lived it before. Maybe we were obsessed with proving ourselves. Maybe it was building the business. Winning the approval.
For a while, it worked. Those drives got us through school. They helped us build careers. They protected us. They gave us identity. They helped us survive.
But being driven eventually reaches the edge of what it can carry.
The achievement stops satisfying. The approval wears thin. The mountain you’ve been climbing suddenly feels strangely empty.
So we assume we need a new obsession.
A new business.
A new purpose.
A new dream.
But the problem isn’t that you’ve lost your obsession. We get to a point where we’ve outgrown the need to be possessed by one.
Eventually, we’re asked to develop something deeper than motivation. We’re asked to develop self-leadership. To become the kind of person who can remember what matters, make a decision, and gently lead ourselves toward it, even when no emotion is pulling us there.
That doesn’t sound as exciting as obsession. But it’s far more freeing.
Obsession is being possessed by a desire. Leadership is learning to possess your desires.
One is being unconsciously carried. The other is learning to walk.
Your old patterns may have helped you build a life. But they were never meant to lead one forever.
Real consistency doesn’t come from finding the thing that finally keeps you motivated. It comes from becoming the kind of person who can choose what matters again and again.
The equation at this point in the journey is not: Obsession → Consistency
It becomes: Identity → Decision → Consistency.
We are learning to live from a deeper, truer part of us that can lead all our feelings, patterns, reactions, fears. It’s a different kind of motivation - not born of seeking something outside ourselves, but from seeking alignment within ourselves.
The deepest freedom isn’t finding something that makes your decisions for you.
It’s becoming someone who can make decisions in alignment with what matters.
Again… and again… and again.
If you're a business owner or leader who wants to lead yourself with greater clarity, alignment, and joy - I'd love to talk. Schedule a free coaching call here.
“Brandon has a real gift of guiding and not leading so that you can explore and discover what is truly best for you. He puts himself in his clients shoes, gets in the trenches with them, makes them feel seen, worthy and truly supported on the entrepreneurial journey.”
~ Darcie Huff, Go Rings