Even as I’ve been doing a lot of emotional work - and finding it so so helpful - I still notice myself relating to emotions as these PESKY, UNFORTUNATE things.
Yes, on the other side of feeling emotions I find clarity. I find freedom. I expand. I find alignment.
But goddamn. Why can’t I just have that freedom and clarity WITHOUT feeling the emotion?
Wouldn’t that be so much better than having to lay on my couch for 15 minutes and shaking and crying and moaning???
Can’t we just skip this whole feeling my feelings part?
I think this so often that I want to creates some re-frames for myself:
Emotions are not a pre-stage to presence. They ARE the expression of presence. Emotions are how presence moves through a nervous system. They only feel like obstacles when they’re unfinished, or fused with story, or resisted or rushed.
They are not noise in the system - they are the system regulating itself. You’re not trying to clear them OUT of your system. You are letting them organize and communicate in your system. Fear is presence contracting to protect life. Anger is presence mobilizing energy for protection or truth. Sadness is presence releasing what can’t be held anymore. Joy is presence expanding into connection. You’re not getting the emotions OUT - you’re letting them organize!
Emotions are not in the way of clarity. They are the process of clarity. That would be like thinking that listening to someone speaking is IN THE WAY OF understanding them! Emotions are Life/Truth/Spirit/Consciousness speaking - and feeling is the listening.
Emotions aren’t something we have to “get through.” They are the very stuff of Life. They are Life moving in and through us. We don’t get through it. That would be like wanting to “get through” sex to get to an orgasm. When we rush the process, we miss the point - and often don’t get what we were aiming for anyway. The more we chase the outcome, the more disconnected we become from the experience that makes the outcome possible.
Emotions aren’t uncomfortable. It’s the resistance to them that is uncomfortable. Going to the bathroom isn’t uncomfortable - holding it is. A wave isn’t uncomfrtable - fighting the wave is. Emotions actually become really pleasant and enjoyable when allowed to freely move through.
Presence isn’t on the OTHER SIDE of emotions - Presence IS feeling the emotion.
We also don’t WALLOW in emotion - thinking that is being present. Being with an emotion is not getting lost in the emotion. We don’t need to manufacture intensity - we embrace what already is. Presence has movement - wallowing tends to loop, repetition. Presence lets the river flow through us - wallowing damns it up. The emotion wants to move through, to complete, to transform, to evolve, to conclude.
Emotions are not in the way of life - they ARE life happening! Feeling fully is living fully.
If you find yourself thinking of emotions as these pesky, unfortunate parts of being human… I hope some of these re-frames are helpful :)