If we see the spiritual journey as growing our capacity to be with Life, then is the goal TOTAL AND COMPLETE CAPACITY?
To be with everything everywhere all at once?
I realized that this was becoming my framing.
Which was subtly leading to a new achievement framing. Another ideal self.
And a new gap. Between where I am (not total capcity) and where I want to be (total capacity).
It’s a new reason to feel behind or less than.
This becomes perfectionism with more spiritual language :)
But I think this is not the right way to frame it.
Capacity is not something you achieve once and for all.
It’s more relational.
It grows and contracts.
It depends on context and season.
You may have capacity for grief today. But not tomorrow.
Or capacity for anger during your coaching call. But not at dinner.
You may have desire in your body. But not in your imagination.
That’s not failure. That’s called being human.
The contemplative traditions don’t emphasize infinite tolerance.
They are focused on non-exclusion.
Non-exclusion = nothing is fundamentally off-limits.
Infinite tolerance = “everything must be felt fully right now!”
Wisdom traditions always assume rhythm and rest and limits.
Jesus withdraws regularly. Buddhist monks follow regulated schedules. Mystics speak of dark nights and dryness.
So maybe we could say that the goal of the spiritual path is not maximum capacity - it’s increasing trust in our capacity.
Oooof… even as I write that, something is shifting in me. I’m noticing myself relax.
Presence is not about being able to stay with anything.
It’s about noticing when something is here, and responding wisely.
Sometimes the wise response is staying and feeling.
Sometimes the wise response is pausing, getting support, or eating ice cream.
Presence is about discernment - not endurance.
In this frame, the spiritual path leads us to a place where we know when we can stay, when we need support, and when we need rest - all without shame.
It’s less flashy than my previous ideas of “enlightenment.” But it feels sooooo good.
I often tell my coaching clients: We don’t live at the gym.
Which means: create containers for doing this work, don’t try to do it all the time.
I like that metaphor for another reason: at the gym, the goal isn’t to life the heaviest weight possible at all times.
The goal is becoming more resilient, more healthy, more adaptable, and knowing your limits.
(I mean, unless you’re a gym bro. In which case, go for it, bro. I’ll be here when you need a shoulder to lean on. Literally. Because you hurt your hamstring.)
It’s human to have limits.
And incarnation says it’s good to be human.
This life is not about transcending our limits.
It’s about growing the capacity to stay present inside our limits.
Our limits are the very place where love can become real, incarnated.
Yes, our capacity can and does grow when we do this work.
But limits always remain.
Grace lives in the rhythm between them.
Or as my new favorite artist Angie McMahon sings:
Failure is on every map, just like north is
Failure is in every year, just like August
Balancing tiger with rhythm of tortoise, here in your chest